All the Day Long

2017 was a year of waiting.

I was finishing up my master’s program, teaching an early childhood program various locations throughout the city, and nannying on the side to make ends meet.

My time in NYC was coming to an end, but I didn’t know what was next. I only knew where – and I want to share the story.

The years I spent in New York were formative for me. The Lord drew me in and helped me grow in incredible ways – He taught me what it is to trust Him as my provider, my comforter, my friend.

I have story after story testifying to these truths – but the one on my mind this morning happened as I was asking the Lord what was next. I was two semesters away from graduation, months away from needing to renew (or not renew) my teaching contract, and my roommate had informed me she would be moving to Nashville in the summer. This was in February.

One morning I was asking the Lord whether to go or stay. As I was praying, I kept having this thought- “kneel down.”

I said, audibly, “LORD focus my mind. The Enemy is trying to distract me… I am so done…" Then I hear it again and again- “kneel.” I stopped. And realized maybe that was not the enemy at all.

So… I knelt.

Then the voice was there in my head again- “stand up”. I stood up. There it was again- “kneel down.” I really had it by this point. I said, “God is this a game? I am not interested in playing games – what is this – am I crazy?” Nothing.

I knelt once again and as soon as my knees hit the floor the voice was there again, so clear: “Go to Texas.”

I did not renew my teaching contract. I fixed my resume and prayerfully started researching open children and family ministry positions in Texas. April came around and I began applying. All of a sudden it was June and I had no job, no place to live, and one semester of grad school left.

After many tearful goodbyes, I moved to Plainview and lived with my parents. I remember thinking, “This will only be for the summer – I won’t even have to unpack all of my bags”.

The picture is the bottom of a journal entry written in December of 2017. Almost a full year after the Lord told me to “go”. I had no job. I had finished school and was 30 living with my parents. My savings was dwindling and my pride had taken a few hits (which of course is a good thing). The enemy really had a good time with this season – “You heard Him wrong. You made a big mistake. You failed.”

But I KNEW better. I KNOW His voice – after all, I am His and sheep know the voice of their Shepherd. Psalm 25:5 became a mantra for me- I wrote it all over to remind me to keep my eyes on Him. This is my prayer version:

“God, lead me in Your truth and teach me how to wait on You. I am scared – this is not what I expected – but I know You are my salvation and hope. I know you told me to come back to Texas. You are my provider. Help me wait for You gracefully all the day long. I believe. Help my unbelief.”

Waiting is hard. Praying that prayer was hard and was often more of a tearful sob than a spoken prayer. That season of waiting was such a blessing. This prayer helped me be present and at peace as I waited.

The eight months I spent jobless at home was a season of REST. It was a season to be with my parents whom I LOVE. I traveled cross country doing disaster relief for a few weeks. I spent quality time with friends. I read books just because I could. I baked all the things. I journaled. I waited – and He was faithful, just as He is today and will be tomorrow.

I do not know what you are waiting for.

But I do know when it comes to His promises – “He who calls you is faithful. He will surely do it.” (Thes 5:24) So write that down and read it until it is written on your heart.

He is faithful.