I reached a breaking point this week.

I found myself yelling like a crazy person at my computer in response to a page not loading as quickly as I have come to expect.

Several seconds into this tirade, I stopped myself and did a quick check-in: “Hey, Crazy…this is not a normal reaction… what is really going on here?”

I sat, with my hands in the pockets of my favorite sweatpants sitting at my home office desk. I sat a long time and pondered the question – what is really going on here…

There is so much suffering.
There is so much sadness.
There is so much corruption.
There is division everywhere.


As I found myself saying these things in my mind I turned it to a prayer – a cry out to God:

God these things suck and I can’t do anything about it. It is unjust. It is wrong. And I hate it! And me, what can I do? I have no control. And it makes me crazy.


There it is. Control again.
Am I the only one?

I far too often believe I have some power to control ANYTHING – and put the weight on my shoulders to do so.

BUT THAT IS A LIE. A lie I too easily believe.

But, isn’t that the enemy’s scheme? To distract us, to divide us, to destroy us.
And sure, there will be some days that feel as if the darkness is winning. But this is not so.

John 1:5 reminds us: “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

Jesus is Lord.

So what is my response – well, I confess to you that sometimes it is yelling at my computer…But, more and more it is running to Him and being honest about all the things on my mind.

I find the Serenity Prayer incredibly helpful in this season of my life and I share it with you in hope it will help you as well:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make things right
If I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.

Certainly there are times to stand up and times to be still and wait.
I am grateful for His mercy as I am trying to learn the difference.

And, in a world where there are so many things I do not understand – that I do not like – that I do not know – I can be confident of this:

The Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it. And it will not overcome it.
And yes, there is plenty of darkness, and yes, I often feel helpless and ignorant as to what to do. But I am running to the Light.

Because Jesus, Jesus is Lord.
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